Title: Adult Children of Alcoholics Pdf
Author: Janet G. Woititz
Published Date: 1990-11
Page: 135
Janet Woititz (1938-1994) is the author of Adult Children of Alcoholics, which was on the New York Times bestseller list for over a year. She wrote several other books, including Lifeskills for Adult Children; The Self-Sabotage Syndrome; The Struggle for Intimacy; Marriage on the Rocks; Healing Your Sexual Self and many others. Woititz was the director and founder of the Institute for Counseling and Training in West Caldwell, New Jersey. It is important to be clear what recovery means for adult children. Alcoholism is a disease. People recovering from alcoholism are recovering from a disease. The medical model is accepted by all responsible folks working in alcoholism treatment.Being the child of an alcoholic is not a disease. It is a fact of your history. Because of the nature of this illness and the family response to it, certain things occur that influence your self-feelings, attitudes and behaviors in ways that cause you pain and concern. The object of AcoA recovery is to overcome those aspects of your history that cause you difficulty today and to learn a better way.To the degree that none of us have ideal childhoods and to the degree that even an ideal childhood may be a cause for some concern, we are all recovering to some extent or other, in some way or other. Because there are so many alcoholic families and because we have been fortunate in being able to study them, it is possible to describe in general terms what happens to children who grow up in that environment.To the degree that other families have similar dynamics, individuals who have grown up in other ôdysfunctionalö systems identify with and recover in very much the same way.All folks in AcoA recovery need to learn the Al-Anon principle of detachment regardless of whether or not they are recovering from addiction or are living with an addict. Until you do this, you can go no further. Detachment is the key. Because of the inconsistent nature of the nurture a child receives in an alcohol family system and the childÆs hunger for nurture, many of you are still joined to your parents at the emotional hip. Even if you are no longer with them, you continue to seep their approval and are strongly influenced by their attitudes and behaviors. You will need to learn to separate yourself from them in a way that will not add to your stress. This is one of the primary goals of the Al-Anon program.àWhat you learn about yourself as you are growing up because a part of who you are and how you feel about yourself. No one can change that but you. Your parents, even if they recover and treat you differently, cannot fix what makes you feel bad about yourself. You may start a new and healthy relationship with them in the present but no amount of amends on their part will fix the past. That is why dwelling on their part in your ongoing pain will not get you through it or past it. Your present difficulties are your problem. To put the focus outside yourself is to delay your recovery.Emotions that have been held down for years and years will come to surface. That is why it is suggested that if you are recovering from an addiction, you need to focus on that first so that you will not be tempted to relieve those feelings in destructive ways. You will go through a number of powerful emotions in your recovery. It is part of the process.Not everyone goes through the stages of the process in the same sequence, and many of you may block some of those feelings. There is no ôrightö way. I just tell you about the process because those feelings may surface without your conscious direction and frighten you. And they will resurface many times with each new discovery. The recovery process is different for different folks. Only you can determine the way that will work best for you.Your immediate response to reading this book may be:¬1983, 1990 by Janet Woititz. All rights reserved. Reprinted from Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc., 3201 SW 15th Street, Deerfield Beach, FL 33442.
great value before hiring a therapist LIKE: The book is built on observation, very few conjectures or unrealistic statements.RECOMMEND: I don't like alcohol, my dad is AA, but I have never understood the drinking obsssion. So I grew thinking I was out of the scope of AA specially because dad stopped drinking when I was 9. But now I realized at 32 years old that I am very compulsive and cannot have a balanced approach towards work, food, shopping: it has to be always at the extreme, else is not worth the experience. So I arrived to this book and I see I comply to seven of the 13 characteristics of adult children of alcoholics. THEN I recommend this book anyone who has lived with an alcoholic person.WHY 5 STARS: Based upon its utility for a person in similar circumstances.and how I've chosen specific types of people who practice manipulation on me because I'm an easily identifiable peson who can be Opened up some things for me that I wasn't aware of and I am an adult child of an alcoholic; albeit I was raised in a broken home. I was surprised how even though Dad wasn't really in our home living with us that he really WAS THERE and so was his alcoholism. It affected all of us. I'm 57 and I'm just now learning how his addiction shaped our everyday lives even into adulthood. How I cope with stress, how I don't trust people straight away, how I second guess myself constantly and how confusion, fear, manipulation, and various forms of abuse keep entering my life and the lives of my other immediate family members, and how I've chosen specific types of people who practice manipulation on me because I'm an easily identifiable peson who can be controlled and moved about as if I'm a pawn on a chess board just by them watching and listening to me- I am a people pleaser and will let anyone walk all over me. I rarely have the courage to stand up for myself because I frankly I don't know how. I don't know how because I wasn't allowed to and have been given demeaning messages about myself, my charachter, my ideas... all of my life. I have no self esteem so they know I can be controlled by the way I act. So this book and a few others have helped me to say "No more" to these people. I'm able to recognize who my manipulators are better and to back away quietly and then I begin to easily control the relationship on my terms now. I've got a long way to go but this book really did help me.A life changer for me Excellent, eye opening read for anyone who has grown up with any level of familial alcohol abuse or addiction. Helps explain what happens to a persons development and self esteem when needs are not met during childhood. This book is a very good first start to understanding why you are who you are, andwhat you can do to take charge if your life. Janet Woititz's words are empowering, don't be afraid to read this book!
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